I Hate Everything about Super Bowl LV

I LOVE football, but somehow, I hate the game tomorrow. The biggest game of the year and I absolutely hate it. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll watch it, but I won’t like it. This is exactly what the NFL wanted when this COVID-ridden season started. Brady and Gronk relocated and got themselves a bunch of new toys and a pretty damn good defense, but the NFL sees Brady and they think OMG awesome. Look, he willed one of the NFL’s worst franchises to a Super Bowl. On the other side, of course the defending champs are going to defend their title. The old golden boy versus the new golden boy. Will there be a changing of the guard? The ceremonial torch being passed? Or will the GOAT remain the GOAT?

It’s poetic, it’s perfect, it’s total, complete garbage.

Like at this point, who cares. Brady is the GOAT and Mahomes is going to run shit for quite a while. We know. To be fair, I do dislike both of those men. I recognize that they are good, yes, but I don’t like them. Not because I hate greatness, but because Brady and New England were the team to beat in the AFC and now that’s the Chiefs. For the Ravens, they were or are now the biggest obstacle on the way to the Super Bowl. So Tom wins his 7th, or Lamar has to chase Mahomes who now has 2 rings. Not ideal.

On top of that, there’s so much to dislike about the game. Bruce Arians is a good, not great, coach who is getting bailed out by a roster of cheap vets and guys on contract years. The Bucs’ roster will look extremely different next year. Shaq Barrett, Suh, Lavonte David, Antonio Brown, Chris Godwin, Gronk and Leonard Fournette could all leave in free agency. I’d bet Bruce isn’t even really calling the offense all the time this year. Bruce even admitted that at the end of the first half last week, Brady called the timeout and the play to Scotty Miller for the TD that basically won them the game.

In addition to that, either Le’veon Bell or Antonio Brown will win a Super Bowl. Literally shows that you can be a crybaby, whine about your situation and paycheck, commit a crime or two and still find a way to get to a good team and be rewarded. Gronk too. The guy is hilarious, but he threatened retirement and then actually retired cause he didn’t like Belechick’s rules aka “the mental and physical toll of playing football.” So Tom leaves, and Gronk demands a trade to Tampa Bay. What a joke.

I also never thought I would miss Super Bowl week. Media Day, Radio row, the whole shebang, but I do. Zoom interviews stink. Media Day is where some amazing quotes happen (Marshawn Lynch), there’s usually some mystery injury or a guy who’s questionable for the game all week, Dwight Freeney comes to mind. The on site shows during Super Bowl week always have a great energy about them. Other than the storybook, fairy tale ending for the two QBs, there aren’t many storylines and it’s just boring. The media has been boring. Same stuff we’ve been hearing all year. The Chiefs are the favorites and will Brady get to the Super Bowl? The home team Super Bowl thing isn’t even cool because every news outlet immediately picked up on that when Tom went to Tampa too. Old, recycled news.

All things considered, I only like 3 things about this game. Mike Evans, Byron Leftwich and the Honey Badger. Mike Evans is a top receiver in the league and he’s never treated like it. I hope he has a huge game because he deserves it. He’s like a way better Vincent Jackson, another guy who was crazy underrated. Byron Leftwich was always one of my favorite QBs, not for his ability, but he loved the game and always gave it all he had. That says something in this league. Seeing him have success in the NFL as an OC is awesome. As of now, he’s my favorite player-coach (until someone hires Ed Reed as a DC). I wish Bruce would let him have some more control of the offense.

Last, but not least, Tyrann Mathieu, the Honey Badger. He is the last of the ballhawking safeties. I hate that he plays for KC, but the guy is so fun to watch and his story is unlikely. Dismissed from LSU for drug issues, he didn’t get to play another snap of college football. He could have been like tons of other guys who never lived up to his potential. Instead, he went to rehab, got straight, got everything together and made it to the draft. Since he entered the league as a third round pick, he’s done nothing but be the heart of any defense he has been on. Sure, the Cards had Chandler Jones. Sure, the Texans had JJ Watt. But those defenses were completely different with Mathieu patrolling the back end. He’s also a leader in the locker room, even in 2015, when he tore his ACL late in the year:

I’ll be rooting for the Honey Badger to win MVP tomorrow. I’m feeling a game like LSU-WVU in 2011. Rip a ball from Antonio Brown’s grasp, get a pick and sack Brady on a late crucial third down. Now that would be poetic. Give me that. Make Mathieu the story of the Super Bowl. Anything else, whatever. We’ll just hear about Mahomes and Brady all offseason anyway.

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Photo via cbssports.com

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